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First Comes Love

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First Comes Love

By: Tom Rasmussen
Narrated by: Tom Rasmussen
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Bloomsbury presents First Comes Love written and read by Tom Rasmussen.

Bitingly funny, infectiously inquisitive and ferociously sharp. Adored!' ATTITUDE

'A fascinating interrogation' GRAZIA

'An incisive, witty and moving look at marriage – as an achievement, a compromise, a selling-out, a practical solution' REFINERY29

It was one thing to get married when your parents, your neighbours, your community insisted on it, when a sacred union for heterosexuals was not just one option but the only option. It’s quite another to keep doing it in when free of that societal and religious pressure. What is the allure of an institution grounded in patriarchy, in elitism, in white supremacy in the West, an institution that invalidated all but one kind of love till quite recently? Why do so many of us fight against these social ills while also posting pictures of proposals on Instagram? Is it possible to be married while subverting the institution by doing it one’s own way, or is marriage having the last laugh after all?

Tom Rasmussen comes from a Northern, working class family, for whom marriage in the centrepiece of life. They are also a male-bodied, non-binary queer person in a relationship with a man.

Journeying through wildly different weddings, visits to wedding planners, interviews with the much-married, those who have questioned their decision to marry, and those who would never consider matrimony, this is an incisive, witty and moving look at marriage – as an achievement, a compromise, a selling-out, a practical solution. Tom Rasmussen examines what marriage means across the spectrum of sexuality and class, and what the future looks like for this most historic and universal of institutions.

'An incisive, compassionate probing of the pleasures and pitfalls of marriage ... A deft deconstruction of normativity today' DAZED

'Tom Rasmussen is a smart and accomplished storyteller ... Anyone – queer or straight – who's considering marriage, or for that matter anyone who's deeply in love should read this unputdownable book' KATE BORNSTEIN

'I love Tom Rasmussen and adore their writing' TRAVIS ALABANZA

'An interrogation and an investigation ... A deeply funny and optimistic read' JUNO ROCHE©2021 Tom Rasmussen (P)2021 Bloomsbury Publishing PLC Marriage & Long-Term Partnerships Parenting & Families Relationships Marriage Witty Comedy LGBTQIA+
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Critic reviews

Bitingly funny, infectiously inquisitive and ferociously sharp. Adored!
Tom Rasmussen is a smart and accomplished storyteller ... Anyone - queer or straight - who's considering marriage, or for that matter anyone who's deeply in love should read this unputdownable book (KATE BORNSTEIN)
I absolutely loved this book. A fascinating, funny and ultimately moving exploration of marriage in the 21st century, voiced flawlessly - each interjection more perfect that the last (EVIE WYLD)
I love Tom Rasmussen and adore their writing (TRAVIS ALABANZA)
A fascinating interrogation
An incisive, witty and moving look at marriage - as an achievement, a compromise, a selling-out, a practical solution
An interrogation and an investigation ... A deeply funny and optimistic read (JUNO ROCHE)
An incisive, compassionate probing of the pleasures and pitfalls of marriage ... A deft deconstruction of normativity today
PRAISE FOR DIARY OF A DRAG QUEEN: A riotous portrayal of the contemporary queer experience
Diary of a Drag Queen is a heartfelt memoir of queerness and non-conformity
Tom covers the nuance, doubt, and uncertainty of being a drag queen. Crystal covers the transcendence ... Charisma and quick intelligence - two qualities that have long been prerequisites for drag ... Diary puts on technicolor display
Truthful, revealing and obscenely hilarious […] Strident and unapologetic but really sweet, too
A proud voice for the non-binary community
This book honestly changed my life. Tom’s honesty, vulnerability and fearlessness jumps out of every page and every word. It is the queer bible I’ve always needed and I don’t remember life BT (before Tom) (SAM SMITH)
All stars
Most relevant
Tom is the love guru everyone needs in their life. Whatever love looks like for you - this is an essential, questioning, heartfelt investigation into modern relationships! 100% recommend!!!

Profound, challenging, funny and deeply moving!

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Tom is both entertaining and rigorous. Loved how this book weaves personal (sometimes very personal!) story with a wider cultural picture and interviews too. Covering academic discourse to bridezillas and Sex and the City, this book is for anyone who’s wondered what it means to be wed. As a queer person it’s wonderful to see us finally included in the conversation, and Tom doesn’t shy away from the complexities of engaging with heteronormative traditions either. So glad I listened to this.

Funny and rich interrogation of modern relationships

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